Sadness

Eight years ago our community lost five children within two weeks. Two were my students. One boy was killed in a bike/car accident. Less than two weeks later, my other student and her three siblings were killed in a house fire two days before Thanksgiving. I have never been to a sadder funeral, and our community reeled from the losses for a long time. That school year was marked with a constant mourning, our emotions rattled raw, healing coming slowly.

Yesterday, as I walked into my Mother’s house loaded with food for her Retirement Party, I learned of the roadblock and the raging house fire, and the news that five children were unaccounted for. Old losses came to the surface, scabs ripped off, and new wounds were added to the old. I took a choking breath, wrapped it up and tucked it away in the recesses of my heart, knowing that yesterday could not be the day to process this news. I could not, would not think of it.

Today, the news, even more devastating….six children died in the fire, aged 1 to 12. As we await confirmation of names and ages, I tuck it away in the recesses of my heart because still, today, I cannot, will not think of it.

Update:
The fire appears to have been caused by a faulty electrical outlet. It also has been reported that there was only one working smoke detector in the home, and that one was in the basement. Six out of seven siblings died in the fire, the seventh was sleeping over at a friend’s house. I’d like to think God has saved her for some special purpose, but how does a soul go on here on earth after losing all of their siblings? Dad and Mom survived with severe burns, and Mom remains in critical condition. I don’t know whether to pray for her healing or to pray for God to take her home, so I simply say, “Help her.”

Firefighters are urging everyone to install smoke detectors in every bedroom, and at least one more on each floor. If you haven’t already, please do.

Sustenance

This was breakfast….

But I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeded it!

School is over.

Big Girl is sick.

I am helping prepare for my Mom’s Retirement Party on Saturday which means preparing food for 100 people.

And I have to write a speech for her.

Oh, and did I mention that Mister had to have a tick tweezered out of his nether regions on Tuesday???

(So what if that was two days ago…I’m still traumatized.  It’s all about me, no matter that it was HIS nether regions.)

So I neeeeeeeeeeeeeded it.

Don’t judge me.

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That

I sit here thinking that I have so much to post about, and yet I do not know what to post.

Do I write about the fact that school is ending and share all the excitement and trepidation that brings with it? The girls will be home! YAY! The girls will be home! YIKES!!!

Do I write about my Mother’s impending retirement, and the mixed feelings this daughter has about that? So thrilled to have more time with my Mom, excited about the freedom she has more than earned, looking forward to seeing what adventures she and my Dad will have from this point forward, yet terrified when I think too hard about this milestone and all it means.

Do I tell you about my continued challenges with my back, and all the other little plunky things my body seems to be working through? The relief that they can find nothing wrong and yet the fear that they have still been unable to eliminate MS as the culprit? I like the “nothing is wrong” theory, and yet rationality has never been my strong suit so I worry and I wonder, but refuse to allow myself to woe.

Or should I share my joy that after an intense period of travel, Zan’s schedule has calmed down and our family seems to be re-stabilizing? Mister no longer asks when Daddy is coming home for a visit, and the neighbors have come to believe our assurances that we are truly not, in fact, separated.

Maybe I need to tell you about the Showtime series The Tudors that has captured my *ahem* attention…and how much I love watching it on my iPad through Netflix after everyone else is in bed. (If I could marry my iPad I would. My camera could be my best man.)

Or do I whisper about my secret addiction and the embarrassing truth that I am all fangirly about the June 30th release of Eclipse? (Team Edward!)

Maybe I should share with you the fact that we have only one weekend this summer that doesn’t have something scheduled into it, and I am holding onto that weekend for dear life.

Or I could tell you about our upcoming vacation in Ocean City, NJ? Or about our planned late summer vacation to Disneyworld? Both of which have us all on the edge of our seats in anticipation. 🙂

So many things I could tell you…some of which are lighthearted or foolish…and others that I just can’t dwell on without getting all overwhelmed and jellystomached. Therefore I will settle for sharing this little snapshot of this moment in my brain, and perhaps I can come up with a more cohesive post once my mind settles into a more stable rhythm! Life is good, I am blessed, and change is a part of life…it just so happens that it is a part I’m not so good at.

685 Calories Per Serving, but You Only Live Once….

If you follow my Facebook page, you already know that I have been dreaming of this Macaroni and Cheese recipe that I found online last week.  I call it “Mac n’ Cheese on Steroids.”

Do yourself a favor and bake a batch of this stuff for yourself.  My dear friend Anywho and I spent the day together, shopping for ingredients, preparing, baking and eating (and eating more) of this decadent dish.  It is to-die-for delicious!

My only advice is to do all your prep work before you start cooking the sauce.  And if you are inclined to add mushrooms, or extra bacon, or ham, or sauteed diced chicken, go for it!  Happy Cooking!

Five Cheese Mac’n Cheese for Grownups