Journal

The Tuesday Before the Tuesday Before Christmas

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So, more snow is predicted.  We are right on the border….4-8 inches, or 6-12 inches…it’s a toss-up as most storms are here.  Thank goodness Zan is due home tonight.  I am VERY inept at using the snowblower, and even more inept with the shovel.  I’m sure Neighbor Man is glad Zan is coming home too…one family is enough to take care of!  Even more glad that Zan’s coming home since we’re all beginning to wilt a little in his absence.  He’s been away since last Wednesday, and for us that’s a long separation. 

I have so much to do besides!  I keep adding new projects when the original projects aren’t finished.  That quilt is only about 1/3 pieced, I have more ornaments to make…now I’ve added candy making, cookie baking, and pillow making to the list.  Have the supplies…now I just need some free time. 

On the bright side, I did take the time to test out a homemade peanut butter cup recipe yesterday…oh, my yummy!!!  Are they wonderful!!!  They are for gifts, but the girls and I have already eaten half a dozen of the three dozen I made.  Looks like I’d better make another batch!

Shopping isn’t finished, and wrapping hasn’t begun, but I know it will all get finished….if we keep our power.  🙂  How is Renae faring?

Wow, That Was Fast

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Thanksgiving came and went in a blink.  I feel like the woman who stands on the Subway platform, patiently awaiting the train, preparing to board, when all of a sudden *WHOOSH*!!  The train speeds by, blowing her hair and rustling her skirts, and is instantly gone, leaving her standing there wondering, “Why didn’t it stop for me?” 

I think having a sick Mister was a distraction.  Although he did well, when he cried for me, I felt I had to drop everything to tend to his needs.  Of course the loudest, most gut-wrenching crying came when I was mashing the potatoes and Zan was carving the turkey, and the other ten dishes needed to be brought to the serving counter.  Murphy’s Law!  His fever finally broke on Saturday, with no rash following it, so it looks like “Rosie-ola” wasn’t the culprit after all.  He’s back to his normal self today, so I chalk it up to “unspecified virus # infinity.”

Our company left on Friday afternoon, leaving us with plenty of time for Christmas decorating.  What usually takes two weekends was condensed into one.  Zan will be travelling throughout the month, leaving us only two free weekends before Christmas, which I’m sure will be dedicated to shopping and wrapping pursuits..so, we decided do it all at once. 

The to-do list is long, and the tendency for me to feel overwhelmed is present, but I am determined to slow things down a bit and enjoy the season.  It will all get done…it always does.  And I don’t want to be that woman left on the Subway platform, feeling as though yet another holiday passed me by.

The Weekend

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So, we had one of those wonderful weekends that actually felt longer than it was.  Friday night was Big and Little Girls’ Recital.  I mentioned before that their teacher was retiring after 38 years…I was wrong…make that 43 years!  WOW!  The recital was fantastic, and as always our girls made us so proud.  Mr. Baby Boy managed to sit through the entire two hours, sweating in the stuffy auditorium, without a single peep.  I am the luckiest Mommy on the planet!  We topped off the evening with the traditional ice cream shop stop, and after a few tears (okay, more than a few) from Little Girl we managed to get everyone in bed with little trauma.  (Little Girl was WAY overtired, and more than a little sad that this was her last recital with this teacher.)

Apparently it was “BE A PROUD PARENT” Weekend, because on Saturday, we were out the door bright and early to cheer on Big Girl in a 5K run that she has been training for since March in an afterschool program called “Girls on the Run.”  It’s a great program that encourages young girls to live healthy lifestyles, and teaches them strategies to cope with the challenges of growing up.  She has enjoyed the experience, and the culmination in a 5K run was something she can be very proud of.  There were girls from all over the area participating on Saturday.  Very neat. 

On Saturday afternoon we had a cookout with our dearest friends, who we haven’t seen since Disney!  Crazy schedules have kept us apart, but we managed to squeeze in an afternoon visit.  The kids got to slip on down the slip and slide since it finally managed to reach the 90’s here.  (I can already hear MM…”90’s?!!  It hasn’t been 90 here since Easter!!  We hit a balmy 172 yesterday!!  AHHHH… Love it!!)  *laugh* 

So then we were left with Sunday…I GOT TO CLEAN MY BEDROOM!!!!!  Okay, so that may not sound exciting to all y’all…but I’ll tell you, having an hour and a half free to make as much noise as I wanted—dragging baskets of clothes around, and vacuuming, and moving furniture— without Mr. Baby Boy napping next door, or trying to kill himself downstairs was SUCH a blessing!!  Everything is put away where it belongs, furniture is back where I wanted it, and there are no dust bunnies living under my bed!  YAY!  Then, in the afternoon, Little Girl had a friend over for a visit, and Zan worked on the deck.  Ooooh…he made a sample section of railing….I can’t wait to show you!!!  It’s gonna be pretty!  🙂 

So, that was the weekend…Zan even managed to squeeze in a few board games with the girls.  It was fabulous!

Today, I didn’t celebrate BonBon Day, since I didn’t want to do it alone.  But I did take time to have lunch with a friend, read a few chapters of my luscious book, and have a dinner visit with my Mom.  That was even better.  To top it all off, the rest of the wood was delivered at 7:00 this morning, so progress reports should be forthcoming in the following weeks!  Whoohoo!

Back to the 80’s yet again…1988 to be exact.

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So, I graduated from high school twenty years ago, which naturally means that my Twentieth High School Reunion is being planned for this summer.  Twenty years.  It hardly seems possible, and yet it seems a lifetime ago.  I am not the person I was then. 

The news of my reunion has brought out the truth however.  What truth, you ask?  Well, the truth of my “adjustment problem.”  The very first thought that came to my mind when I heard about the reunion, and contemplated actually attending, was not, “Oh, my! What will I wear?”  It was, “Gee, I really wish I was still teaching so I’d have something worth talking about.”  The second the thought popped into my head I was both ashamed, and enlightened.  “That’s it!!!”  The “it” being, why I feel so lost at times now that I’m a stay-at-home Mom.  I have always payed lip service to the whole “working at home raising a family is just as important and meaningful as working at a paying job,” but maybe I haven’t believed it as wholeheartedly as I always thought I did.  Thus my “adjustment problem.”  I guess at times I feel a bit useless.  When I was teaching, it was easy to believe I was doing something meaningful.  At home folding towels and cleaning floors, doing dishes and vacuuming, it’s harder to feel like you’re a contributing member of society.  Yes, of course there’s the whole “I’m raising decent people and if that’s not contributing I don’t know what is,” but there’s always that little niggling pest of a thought that I could be, or should be doing more.  So there’s the truth of it.  I know in my soul I’m doing the right thing for our family, and I LOVE watching my boy grow and learn daily…so many things I missed while working when the girls were this age.  I mourn a little too, when I watch him, wishing I could have done this then.  I get so excited to see the girls off the bus, you’d think I was welcoming home David Cook.  *tee*hee*  All the little things I get to do and be for them make everyday a blessing. 

So I will work on believing myself worthy. 

And in the meantime, I will think about what the heck I’m going to wear…and should I grow my hair back out?  And maybe I had better start yoga again…And maybe it is time to color my hair.

It’s also amazing to me how many old feelings and animosities come rushing back when contemplating this reunion.  I looked at the list of “Reunion Committee Members” and that list was the same list I would have guessed twenty years ago…these same girls (now women) who were ultra involved in clubs, and in social life.  The pretty girls who had the boyfriends, played sports, and threw the parties.  You guessed it…I was not one of them.  I used to be jealous of those girls that seemed to have it all.  And then I grew up and wiser and realized I was luckier than most because I didn’t have the burden of popularity.   I have one friend left from high school and we didn’t become close until college.  He admitted to me that I was “the type of girl you married, not the type of girl you dated.”  I really wish he had told me that in high school…I might have had a bit more hope for my future.  As it turns out, my future is exactly what I had hoped it would be…a husband who is my missing piece, three beautiful kids who fill my life with joy, family and friends to fill any little cracks in between, and a past and future career that I am proud of. 

Not bad for twenty years.  I guess I have something worth talking about after all.