Never do I feel more unintelligent than when I am talked into circles by my beautiful, talented, intelligent, exhasperating teenager. When my old fashioned values collide with the popular societal beliefs of today, I am at my most challenged. And I’m not talking the Big Stuff…I’m talking the Little Stuff that has gone by the wayside to create a society that is all about the “ME.”
The discussion in my house last night was about the word, “Sorry.” It calls to mind the Elton John song, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” My Darling Girl’s argument, “Don’t you think if someone says ‘sorry’ they should mean it, and if they don’t mean it they shouldn’t say it?”
Of course, I am of the view that saying “sorry” is the “right” thing to do when you know you’ve done something wrong or have hurt someone (even unintentionally) whether you “feel” sorry in your heart or not. The act of saying sorry is a right act. Period.
The counterargument, “But isn’t that fake? It takes me time to cool down and feel sorry, so shouldn’t I wait and say sorry later when I feel it?”
*sigh* “Yes, you should say it once you feel it, but you should also say it if you don’t. Two apologies are better than no apologies, or an apology said too late, even if one of them was not heartfelt.”
“But Mom, that is so fake! That’s like those people who act all happy when really they are SO messed up inside! Saying you are sorry when you aren’t, isn’t that the same as lying?”
{Oh, Dear Lord, help me now…}
*deep*breath*think*Woman*think*
So I get on my pedestal, and I start to preach. I point to the sign above the window in my kitchen that says, “Because Nice Matters.”
“This new fangled notion of the “ME” being the most important thing is all bass ackwards in my opinion and the root of many of societies problems. Today’s young people think that if they don’t ‘FEEEEEEL’ it, they shouldn’t have to ‘do’ it. It is a selfish concept. Apologizing to make the other person feel better and less wronged is the first step in the right direction, whether you “feeeeeel” it at the moment or not. And I don’t believe in apologizing if you haven’t done anything wrong, but when you *have* and the only thing stopping you from saying that little word “sorry” is your anger and pride, then YES you SHOULD say it! Why? Because nice DOES matter. Think of the other person, sacrifice your comfort level for the moment, and say sorry.”
{There, that should do it.}
“I see your point Mom. But I also see the other side too. I wonder which side is really right?”
*deep*breath*
“I am. Tell me this…what would God want you to do?”
{Ha, I’ve got her now!}
“He would want me to say sorry even if I don’t feel it because it’s the ethical thing to do.”
“Bingo!”
But as she walks away, I can’t help but feel that my own values have been challenged, and she has quite effectively made me chew on my own beliefs. I ponder and I wonder, “Does she have a point?” What is the word “Sorry” if there is no sorrow or regret behind it? An empty word? Or is it filled by the rightness of the act of being said, and in itself, worthy of utterance for it’s own sake?
I must think on it more.
However, I am sticking to my original premise, “Because Nice Matters.”
I am left believing that I may have “won” this small battle of ethics, but not the War of Ethical Behavior…because what is Out There screams louder than I do, and that lifestyle path Out There seems at first glance to the very young, more colorful and inviting than the lifestyle path that I am offering, tangled with weeds of resistance and thorny bushes of unacceptance.
Man, this Parenting thing is hard work.
So what do you all think?
Say sorry only if you mean it? Or just do it? Discuss.
A Half Hour a Day 