So, I have seven days left to work on my “I’m-not-going-to-freak-out-when-I-fly” visualization. I’m doing okay so far. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to dig down to the root of my problem. I figure that if I can find the root, I can pluck it out and be done with the fear. But boy, the more I dig, the more dirt I see piled next to me…but have I found the root ball? Maybe.
I actually have found this digging somewhat amusing. As I sift through the “why’s” I’ve even chuckled at some of them. Sure, there’s the whole “I really don’t want to die” fear. But I think I can say with certainty that my fear has been learned from my Mother. (Yes, cliche, I know…) But I believe she is at the center of my root ball…other dirt clings to it, but I believe she is the thing I must pluck. (That sounds very strange, doesn’t it?!) Here’s the anecdotal evidence at hand:
(I must preface these stories by telling you that my Mother is the dictionary definition of calm. She is one of a few angels who walk this Earth blessing me with her presence…always rational, always in control, always pleasant and peaceful…unless she’s on a plane.)
The first time I ever flew, I was seventeen and SO excited! I remember loving the experience of take-off, as I watched my mother, knuckles white, hanging onto the seat for dear life, with her eyes closed and lips mouthing a silent prayer. I remember saying, “Mom! Look! It’s beautiful!!!” I don’t think she heard me, as she continued to pray and clutch.
Jump ahead a few years. Picture the same scenario, only this time, my dear Mother has one hand white knuckled, grasping a vial of Holy Water, and the other wrapped tightly around her Rosary. No, I’m not kidding.
Are you beginning to see a pattern?
Now…fast forward a few years more. I’m dropping off my parents at the airport, seeing them off on a vacation. She turns to me and says, “Walk with me. Let’s go get a cup of coffee.” During this little walk she says, “Okay, there’s something important I need to ask you. You have to promise me that if our plane crashes, you will go to the house and take all the garbage in the garage to the dump before the funeral. I didn’t get a chance to take care of it, and I’d be so embarrassed if people came to the house with all those garbage bags there.” I swear I couldn’t catch my breath, I was laughing so hard! “I’m serious!” says she. “I KNOW!! THAT’S what’s so funny!!” So there I stood, in the airport, crossing my heart that I would take her garbage to the dump…and I’ve teased her about it ever since.
Which brings me back to my original theory: My Mother has made me fear flying. My calm, rational, God-believing, peace loving, always-right Mother, is mortally terrified of flying. “And how can someone who is always right, be wrong about this?” says the inner child voice in me.
Now I must not pass this fear along to my children. I will be calm, I will be calm, I will be calm. If I say it enough, it’ll come true, right? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a root ball that needs plucking.
A Half Hour a Day 
oh…my god I do have the same fear..it’s rather a phobia..last time I flew I even imagined a clear picture of my falling alive from the plane when bad thing happens! now I ve read the book The Secret and it says that whatever you picture clear enough that you feel it, will happen..it really scare the shit out of me..
Have you read the book by the way? any way to counter it ?
if you would like to discuss this with me, please do..i will be more than happy..nitchy1976@hotmail.com
sorry it is nitchy1976@hotmail.com not happy…nitchy1976@hotmail.com
Nitchy, glad to see you here! Welcome!
I have not read The Secret, so I hesitate to comment on it. (As an aside, I was reading a thread yesterday on another blog where several people were up in arms and slamming a book and it’s philosophy, but many of them started by saying, “I haven’t read that book, nor do I want to, but…” and went on to rip it apart! *UGH*! So I’ll try not to do that.)
Anyway!! I have heard a bit about the concept…”if you see it and believe in it, it will happen” sort of thing. No, I personally do not believe this is true. I believe in the power of positive thinking and positive living, that your outlook can color your perception of events…and I also believe that the more good you do, the more good will come back to you. However, I don’t believe in the “I’m picturing myself with a red Ferrari, and I believe with all my heart I will get a red Ferrari” so a red Ferrari “comes” to me. I believe that if you want that red Ferrari, and that is what your goal is, YOU will make it happen…not God (or the Universe?? Not sure where this book says these things come from.)
I believe in God and the afterlife…that truly is a comfort to me. I’m also a realist and believe that our prayers are not always answered in the way we wish them to be, just as a child cannot be given everything they ask for by their parents. I do not believe that I can keep the plane in the air with visualization, just as I don’t believe that my negative thoughts will make it crash. If God wants me, he will get me…one way or the other. He doesn’t need a plane to do it. This is how I know my fear is simply that—a fear–irrational and something to overcome. I refuse to allow this fear to keep me from living. Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “There is nothing to fear, but fear itself.” How true!
I don’t know how to counter it, except by seeing it for what it is. Take a look at my other post on the subject…
https://ahalfhouraday.wordpress.com/2008/03/13/flying/
I mention at the bottom what I believe is the truth of the matter. I think the secret (no pun intended) is to surrender yourself to what will be, and to truly know in your heart that it is as it is meant to be. I’m just hoping God wants me here for awhile yet! 😉