Grief Bumps in the Night

Last night, I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote.

“Some nights
His absence is so loud
The silence drowns out
All else
And I can hear nothing
But the gaping hole
He left behind.”

This morning dawned clearer.

I have learned…


Grief allowed is Grief quieted.


It retreats to its usual place as background music to my life.

Sometimes it just needs to break out into an overbearing drum solo to get it out of its system.


Onward!

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Widow

You don’t know this Me.

A lot has happened since I was last here.

I became a Widow.

I embrace the term now, 32 months later. 

Initially the term “Widow” conjured loss, pain, emptiness…I shied away from it like I would pull away from a burning flame, worried that if I looked directly at it, I would be consumed and lose my Self entirely, nothing left but ashes and cinder.

Now, the term “Widow” is one I wear proudly, a hard-earned badge of honor.

Yes, Widow is loss and pain.

But additionally…

Widow is Strength.

Widow is Power.

Widow is Vows honored and fulfilled.

Widow is Survivor.

Widow is Loved.

Widow is Independent.

Widow is Filled with memories of a life well lived.

Widow is Wisdom.

Widow is Aligned priorities.

Widow is Brave.

I was proud to be my husband’s wife.

I am *as* proud to be my husband’s Widow.